Seriously? This is what its come to?

At my age, at this stage in my life – I have to run away from home to get some peace. Here I sit, in a crowded book store, filled with strangers – in this crazy place I must come to be alone. Music piped into my ears – loudly  – to drown out the chaos that resides between my ears.

I try to find comfort in the little things – the sweet taste of this caramel iced coffee, the aroma of freshly cut grass, the intoxicating smell of the earth after the rain. In these moments my soul rests for a time, it quiets the madness and empty chatter for a moment or two. These few moments of peace that I allow to trespass on the sacred ground of my soul bring a moment of joy to the ever-present and often overwhelming depression that others call “life”.

Why is it that for some “life” is so sweet and for others it’s a constant struggle to survive and at times just to breathe? Who determines this shit? No, seriously… No, this is not a “why me” rant – don’t be confused or jump to conclusions. It’s just a question. I’ve been told many times that God will never give me more than I can handle – but on some days I feel like He’s really pushing the limit. And when that limit gets pushed – that’s when I’m forced to find a way through it all. Shovel in hand, medicate and paste a smile on. Because even though people ask – “How are you?” – it’s just a formality – they don’t really want to know, not really. I’ve yet to have someone stop and listen long enough for the answer – to listen and properly respond before they catapult into their own tirade about their adventures or misadventures. How are you? What an incredibly empty group of words. So empty, meaningless. A waste of breathe, and perfectly good letters that could be used in more interesting words or phrases. Well, whatever. This is why I will not allow people to get too close anymore. Most of the time it’s a one-sided escapade ending in frustration and time wasted.

Time better spent alone – in thought, contemplation, or creating art.Truly, no one can be a better friend than yourself. Who can understand yo better, and be brutally honest?


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